Operation Crackaid
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Crack Houses for Humanity building crack houses in multiple disaster-affected nation of Crackistan.
The Cracktory, Crackistan (Nov. 19, 2005) – Just three weeks after Hurricane Katrimmick devasted the once-lush Crackistani coastline, and only days after an outbreak of avian flu spoiled the 36 piece bucket of Buffalo Wings they had been saving in the back of the refrigerator, Crack Houses for Humanity have arrived to assist with the rebuilding process.
In addition the to the countless warehouse spaces, studio apartments, share rentals and surfable couches destroyed by the statistically bizarre string of disasters that have recently befallen Crackistan, every one of the nation's crack houses were (further)reduced to rubble.
"These structures are a vital part of the Crackistani culture," said R. Pepsquad, Crackistan's Minister of DUBM. "Much like the churches or shopping malls of the west, our crack houses are places of reverence and spiritual healing. Without them, our poor country has no chance of recovery."
"We like to think of them not as crack houses, but as crack homes," she added.
Addressing this need, Crack Houses for Humanity is proud to announce Project Crack Aid. As part of this project, Crack Houses for Humanity volunteers will be constructing over twenty crack houses throughout Crackistan in the coming weeks. Construction will begin immediately at The Cracktory, the capitol of Crackistan.
"Today, Crack Houses for Humanity is taking the first step in Operation Crack Aid," said Colin Crumplemore, senior vice president of passing out and falling down for Crack Houses for Humanity International. "We are excited to play a part in the recovery effort of the beleaguered Crackistani peoples. Our mission here will play a vital... hrrrhh... uhnn," he said, before passing out and falling down.
Lumber for the crack houses was obtained from several unguarded construction sites in regions neighboring Crackistan, including the United Yuplands of Bernal and the Confederacy of Colma. Additional supplies were "donated" by the Underpaid and Inattentive Chain Store Employees Union, Local 251. These materials were then pre-assembled by volunteers before being airlifted into Crackistan earlier today.
"As a non-profit, Crack Houses for Humanity relies on the goodwill of the more fortunate members of our society," said Nifer Thefton, senior vice president of development and unplanned giving for Crack Houses for Humanity International, "They make what we do possible, whether they know it or not."
Construction of the first crack house is scheduled November 19th 2005, during the celebration of the Crackistan Biennial! Our location for the first crack house is an area steeped in drug-addled history, the famous "Humanity Plaza," known for the crowds that gather, revel, and refuse to go home.